I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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