Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
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Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
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trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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