Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize