Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
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my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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