please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
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He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
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Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
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