She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize