Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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