I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
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I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
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Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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