i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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