It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
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The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
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Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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