so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
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Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
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Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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