Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
if only i could text you this smell
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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