before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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