i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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