What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
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Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
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I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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