I think I died a long time ago.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize