You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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