hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
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I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
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Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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