Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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