If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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