Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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