Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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