Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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