I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
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So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
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He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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