Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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