listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize