last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
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Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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