I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
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Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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