they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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