i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
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what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
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I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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