can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
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Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
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THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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