Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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