I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
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Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
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Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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