So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
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I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
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There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize