just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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