I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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