Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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