last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize