I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
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you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
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I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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