Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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