I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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