I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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