Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize