Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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