A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize