i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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