I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
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