i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize