I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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