Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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